To elope or not to elope...

Two friends of mine got married on Monday (5-24) in Washington DC! I had been friends with AA since I first started grad school and remember when she met her now wife S. After a few years of dating and cohabitation they decided to head down to DC to make it official - since it is still not legal in PA (that is a whole different post and don't even get me started). They had a wonderful ceremony at the court house. Now to the question: would you consider a court house wedding an elopement?

AA and S had been planning for months and their families were present. I would consider it a Courthouse wedding. But then what counts as an elopement? Not telling anyone? Deciding last minute? Having only witnesses present?

On my old blog I found this post (originally written Feb 2009):

Friends of mine are getting married. A lot of them. While I enjoy a pretty dress and amazing party just like anyone, the stress that I see them all going through is insane. When my future husband turns up, he will: share my sense of humor, get my motor going, enjoy being my travel companion, love me unconditionally, etc, etc... When marriage is proposed, I'll also propose something else: eloping.

Here's one plan, but it's just a start. If he has another in mind, I'm completely open.

1. Find a place we both want to go for a vacation. A relaxing vacation, mind you, not an adventure like Peru or Baluchistan. Hawaii springs to mind, or the mountains in Colorado. Somewhere romantic.
2. Ask another couple along. Or a few best friends. We'll need witnesses and someone to take the photos (possibly a photographer friend), and to share the secret. These folks will need to be low maintenance, get-along types. After all, we won't be spending much time with them. Dinner and the odd afternoon perhaps.
3. Arrange a civil ceremony a day or so in advance of the elopement, if leaving home. I'm not sure just how legal a wedding in (St Lucia) is for non (St Lucians).
4. Make all travel at decent times of the day. No hurry. How many couples leave their wedding reception at midnight or later, rush to a hotel, and are up again at 5:00 am for a flight somewhere? No sir. If necessary, we'll stay in a hotel here for a couple of nights before leaving.
5. Announce the event has taken place by inviting people to a party when we return. Something along the lines of "Come to a party at _______ and Wishful Thinker's place, we're celebrating." When everyone has gathered, announce that we're married so we can get stuck into the champagne.
6. No gifts. Wedding Registries irk me. How presumptuous to list what we want you to buy us? Sheesh, I dislike that. If you don't know us well enough to buy something thoughtful, then forget about it. Eloping circumvents all that. Hm, ok maybe some gifts.
7. Minimum angst. My experience of weddings is that frayed tempers are a part of the deal. If this is to be the best day of our lives, I don't want any part of the marital-industrial complex. Wedding planners. Cripes.
8. While I love Jewish weddings and I do want to incorporate some of the traditions into my own, I don't think I want to get married in a synagogue. This would cause a fight of epic proportions with my dear mother. I mean WWIII epic. There is also a real possibility that the man I end up with will not be Jewish - cue my Mum crying now.
   

OK so looking back on this list now that I'm a bit older and wiser (HA!), I have some issues with it: My parents would KILL me. Literally murder me; I want a pretty white dress and to be (half) the center of attention; I have been forced to numerous showers/bachelorette parties/weddings, I want retribution! (only half kidding with this one); I really want my grandmother to be there - she is one of my best friends, and it would break her heart.

But I love the idea of spur of the moment realizing that you two are meant to spend the rest of your lives together, and wanting that moment to start right now without the drama and pressures of planning a huge affair. There is something so romantic and so personal about just being you and your partner. Ill also be the first one to admit that it would make a great story! And I love great stories.

Story time: My parents met on a blind date. On a Friday. And decided my the end of the weekend that they were going to get married. And then did. Now almost 30 yrs and 3 kids later they are still together, and happy. Well at least that's the story Ive been told since I was a child. After a few years ago doing some digging and asking my Aunts and Uncles I found out the real story. They were in fact a blind date, the weekend of Halloween. They announced their engagement at Thanksgiving to both families, and then were married the next September.

So I don't know if there is really a point to this post. But it was on my mind, so I thought Id share.

Addendum: I was just gchatting with one of my best girlfriend's, Vet Chick. We seem to have very similar thoughts on the matter. A lot of people are so obsessed with the "wedding" that they forget the most important factor is the marriage. So if this whole me as a wife thing ever comes to fruition, I want a small ceremony on top of some mountain or on a farm (with a fantastic photographer) then a celebration after the fact with just close close friends and family.