New Year, New Man

I guess I should start at the beginning. Although, that really doesn't present him in the best light...

Two years ago, I had just gotten out of a semi-long term relationship with BritBoy. We had been together for 8 months and I thought I was in love with him. In reality, looking back, it was more co-dependency than love. There were some fun times: he took me to Europe (he was British), we took a road trip to Canada, I celebrated his 21st birthday with him. Pause, yes he was quite a bit younger than I, should have known then! Needless to say, he ended up the relationship in order to get back together with his ex-girlfriend. To this day I choose to not think about the whole cheating aspect that was the end of our relationship (on his part not mine!).

Since I was single again, and had still never dated anyone in the same faith as me, my parents got me a subscription to JDate - an online dating service for Jewish singles. I had spoken with a few men. Gone out on a few dates. Nothing really noteworthy. I don't remember who sent the first email (it was a long time ago!) but I found myself chatting with a guy, let's name him Archie Law, who I thought had a very attractive photo. He had gone to school for Architecture and was currently in Law school (get the name now? Ha, I crack myself up sometimes). We decided to meet and watch a movie the night before NYE (so that would have been NYE 2009).

On my drive to his house that night I remember being really nervous. Was this the right thing to do? I had only seen one picture of him, what if I wasn't attracted to him? What if he was a serial killer? Yes, these are all things that I thought. I showed up, he opened the door, and I immediately felt relieved. He was adorable, just my type! I won't bore you with the details, but that turned out to be the longest first date in the history of the world. I stayed the night (no judgements please), and the next night (yes NYE), and for a third.

We continued to "date" - I use the term very loosely - for maybe a month. I was getting antsy and wanted to define it, etc etc. He had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship and was in no hurry to jump into another one. I had also suspected he was "dating" other woman, I had asked him a few times - more like nagged - he denied it. Long story short, I convinced myself that he was sleeping with other people. This from an open IM window he left on his laptop when he went to the bathroom. He has his own reasons that he wanted to stop contact with me. And thus, we just stopped speaking with each other. And for the next two years I would fondly refer to him as Asshole Architect.

Fast forward to this past December - two years after we met. I resigned on to JDate just to see who was around. Almost immediately a window popped up saying that Archie Law wanted to chat. I was thinking, Oh great what does this ass want, no really I was! We briefly caught up on life, etc. And that was that. The next weekend I had a Christmas party at my neighbors house. They were all asking about MrGrizz and when would I complete my degree, it was torture! I ended up imbibing a wee bit too much. Next thing I knew I texted AL - I had never deleted his number. We texted back and forth for almost an hour when my phone started ringing. He was calling me... but why?! We ended up chatting until 4 am that morning, I was very sober by the end! And decided to meet for lunch after his finals were over in a few days. We continued to text throughout those days, then it was finally Tuesday...

I drove up to his house - nervous and feeling like I shouldn't be making this mistake again - and as soon as I saw him I knew I was in trouble. That attraction was there instantly, while it felt like 2 years ago, I knew I was much older and wiser than my former self. We had a lovely lunch. Decided to relive our first date by watching a movie. The same movie has chance had it. And the same thing resulted. I did not go home that night.

This time I played it cool though! We were both on holiday break, and ended up seeing a lot of each other the next week. He came out with my family for our normal Christmas Eve dinner of Chinese food. Between Christmas and NY he was in NY and I was in DC visiting my grandmother. But we reconnected for NYE when I joined him for a wedding up in the Poconos. That was a disastrous weekend!!! Completely and 100% due to me. I may or may tell you all about it. After NYE, he was in CO for a week, I went back to work. Then I went to LA for work. It was an insane amount of traveling. We spoke occasionally while we were both away and would reconnect when we were both in the same area code.

Finally a few weeks ago the traveling was done. We now talk everyday. He calls. We text. We hang out. We do sleepovers. This is no longer dating, this is basically a relationship. I'm nervous. But excited. I'm petrified of getting hurt. I can honestly say that I know I could fall in love with him. Which frightens me to no end. I am trying to put the past in the past. I know there are no other girls now. I need to learn to trust him. To trust anyone.

I guess we will see where this goes... I have high hopes :)

Happy Groundhogs Day!

How great of a movie is Groundhogs Day. I could watch it over and over again. Hysterical! In the spirit of the large rodent holiday - I mean I am in Pennsylvania after all - I found this funny infographic recapping all the predictions!

Updates

Where to begin?...? Some updates...

Work: Status quo. Still a professional student/researcher/educator/slave. Ah, such is the life of a grad student. I have been accepted to a few conferences, which means some travelling this Spring! I'm both petrified (my public speaking skills rival Mia's at the beginning of Princess Diaries, no joke) and excited. I am still convinced that my boss hates me though.

Friends: E+T's wedding was amazing!! I am officially a bridesmaid for VetChick's upcoming Fall wedding. TeachG and her bf, A, moved in together, picked out a ring together, and chose a wedding date together (Fall 2012) but are not officially engaged. TeachS has a new/old man in her life - its her first love, back in her life. Notice a pattern? Yes, out of my 4 best friends, 3 of their wedding's will be within 2 years of each other. I promise not to allow this blog to turn into a bitch fest about being a bridesmaid.

Love?: I have a new man in my life. We are dating, I guess. I have made it a point not to ask the "where is this going" question, and try to go with the flow. The operative word in that sentence being try. I will post tomorrow on how we met, etc. Because wow is that a story!

Travel: I went to a conference in L.A. in the middle of January. It was a fast 4 day trip, and the talks were really boring, but Cali was gorgeous! It was my first visit to the western state, and while downtown LA wasn't for me, Long Beach was superb! I must make a non-work trip back there. I also just booked tickets for a long weekend trip to Colorado at the end of this month. I have family out in Denver and they have a house in the mountains, which means... skiing!!! I am beyond excited about this trip. The family that lives out there are (shh don't tell anyone) my favorite Aunt/Uncle and cousins. Unfortunately I rarely get to see them since they are so far away.

MrGrizz: I know I said I would not go into details. But consider this my paragraph to closure. After the breakup phone call I have not spoken to him since. Well that is not the complete truth. Two weeks to the day after the phone call, I checked my phone and saw that he had texted me (uhh excuse me, what?! cue heart attack).

When I read the words, my heart sank and I proceeded to vomit (sorry, is that too much info?). I'm paraphrasing, but in less than two sentences he told me that a mutual friend of ours had been killed. I dropped the phone. I immediately called him and wanted to know what on Earth he was talking about. Needless to say I was so caught off guard and upset that it didn't hit me how awkward it was to be talking him. I was so distraught I quickly got off the phone with him - not before fumbling and asking how he was doing, how was the family, etc. I don't deal well with death or surprises or any combination. And that was it. The last time I have spoken with him.

I would be lying if I said my eyes were not filling up with tears and I think about this last conversation. Mainly for our friend that was lost. And slightly for the loss of MrGrizz as a friend and confidant. I'm sorry if that makes me selfish, but I am being honest. Forever the two events are coupled in my mind: the breakup and my friend's death. Maybe it is a coping mechanism, to have two heartbreaks rolled into one, I just don't know.


I'll end on a less depressing note. I made a complete fool of myself the other day!! I had also thought that the saying was "for all intensive purposes." Yes, I realize this makes no sense at all, but I never thought about it. Yesterday I was in a big board meeting with professers, grad students, and some business people from industry and I use the aforementioned saying. More than once actually. Post meeting an aquiantence of mine who was also in attendance came over and whispered to me that its actually "for all intents and purposes." Uhh, what?! Epic fail. I felt like an idiot. At least I know for now on though, right? This is kind of like when I thought that the drink a rum & coke was called a Roman coke. Oops.

To new beginnings

I've been avoiding typing any new posts for a few reasons. Mainly, I don't want to delve into details of the latest breakup. I think, no, I know that I have found closure from the relationship; but bringing it back up in text form seems like I would reopen some wounds and maybe show me that I have no yet actually fully gotten over the hurt and pain he caused me.

A lot has changed in the last month, and while it may seem like out of the blue on this blog, a lot of said changes have been months in the making...

So I propose a fresh blogging start; With the new month starting tomorrow, a new beginning, and a new outlook. I will attempt to be better at blogging daily, if you promise to leave the past in the past and not judge me too much for how I have moved on.

To new beginnings...

The End... No, meant Beginning

I have been dreading writing this post for the past month. But with the New Year upon us, I guess I should man-up and just T-Y-P-E it… MrGrizz and I are no longer. Wow, that sounded so diplomatic.

If I am allowed to be honest (and my honest I mean this is my blog, so who cares), he broke my heart; The first night of Hanukkah no less. Yes, so almost a month ago he called me on a Wednesday and said “we need to break up.” I have mulled it over and over in my head. I don’t want to bring up old feelings that have taken the last weeks to bury, but the moral is: It’s for the best. I may go into more detail at a later date, but for right now I want to leave it at that.

Dress Dilema

I promise I will recap MrGrizz's birthday weekend soon (tomorrow?). But first, I need some help. I have T&E's wedding this weekend and too many dress options.

The wedding is Black Tie Invited - I assume this is the new terminology for Black Tie Optional. MrGrizz is wearing the black Calvin Klein suit (yummy) we got him this past weekend. If any males in your life needs a suit, head over to Macy's! They are having a suit-sale, combine that with the 20% off pass from the paper, and the extra 15% off I get using my Macy's charge, we got his suit, a shirt, and tie all for ~$220!!! Less than my shoes cost, ha.

My initial thought on what to wear was this black Nicole Miller I had bought at the beginning of the summer. There is a boutique near me called Bedazzled and every summer the husband and wife owners go down the shore and close up shop. The week before this happens they try and get rid of all their inventory (including gowns) and have them up to 75% off. I had seen this dress a few months earlier when I had taken my little sister there to go Prom Dress shopping. Tried it on. LOVED IT. But could not justify spending $700 on a dress that I did not need. When I went back in June, sure enough, on sale! I ended up getting the dress for $200. Amazing. Here is a horribly blurry cell phone picture of me in the dress, next to the picture from their website.

I was all set to wear this, and then a slight conundrum. My good friend TeachG recently moved in with her boyfriend of 2 years. We know, they know, she knows they will be getting married sooner than later. She has already been putting some thought (and sharing) ideas for these soon-to-be upcoming nuptials. She stated that she envisions her bridesmaid (aka me also) in long black gowns of our choosing. Well, hm, my Nicole Miller fits right into that! Awesome, dress is already found - and its simple enough that it won't go out of style. Only problem, it is the same group of friends. And true, the weddings will be at least a year apart, while looking back at pictures I don't want to be in the same dress. Silly? Probably. But it's how I feel.

Enter dress #2. I got this dress when a boutique in the local mall closed a few years ago. I think I paid $120 for it, and the label says Versace! No joke. I mean its from like the 2005 line, but who cares. They actually had two of the same dress, one in gold and one in merlot. The sister took the gold, and I the other. She actually wore hers to my cousin's black tie Bar Mitzvah a few years ago. I still have never worn mine. A lot of work had to be done to it for it to fit correctly. After almost $300 to the tailor, it finally fit (shortened, got the bust redone, added in bra cups, etc etc). This is what I planned on wearing up until this past weekend. Do I love it? No. Do I like it? Sure. It's just not me. I don't know how else to explain it. I do not feel 100% comfortable in it. I just don't think I look as good as I could in it.

Dress #3 - this past weekend while getting MrGrizz's suit, I stopped by Neiman Marcus (Stupid move) just to look. Sure enough, I saw THE DRESS. It just spoke to me. I tried it on. Swoon. It;s an Aidan Mattox (yea, I had never heard of him either). I already had two dresses in my closet at home all ready to go and what do I do? Buy a brand new $400 dress. Hit head on table. The only problem? Its about 2 feet too long. They are doing a rush job on the hemming (everything else fit perfectly), but I won't get to see it or try it on until Saturday morning. Oh did I mention that the seamstress wasn't there so we had to pin it ourselves. Um, I'm sorry what?! I had no idea what I was doing. So it might be the wrong length. The wedding is in upstate NJ (can it be described that way?), a 2.5 hour drive and we need to check into the hotel at 3. Basically I am going to pick up the dress and just bring it with me. So it needs to be perfect. Which dress do you like best?

My plan, as of right now, is to bring the Versace dress as a back up in case the new one doesn't fit. And also bring 3 pairs of shoes - almost flats, normal shoes, and super high ones - I figure between all of these one of them will make the dress the correct length on me. And worse, comes to worse, wear the other one. Any other ideas?? I am at a loss of what else to do. My mum's advice: DO NOT BUY yet ANOTHER DRESS! Ha. I am agreeing with her on this one! Have you ever bought too many outfits for one occasion?

Oh, one last thing, for comparisons sake, here is my sister in the Versace gold gown. From L-R: Lil Sis, then my two cousins, then me in Spring 2008. You may ask why didn't I just wear the gown that I had on here. Well, its too big! YAY!!! I wore it to a wedding and then to this Bar Mitzvah. Actually now that I think about it, I bought it at Bedazzled! It will be making an appearance at T&E's wedding though - TeachS is borrowing it to wear! She went shopping in my closet a few weeks ago, along with VetChick. I am happy to report they will both be borrowing gowns of mine for the occasion. I'm glad someone is saving money, ha.

Weekend Movie Recap

This weekend was jam packed with a bit of everything. First on the agenda, got MrGrizz a suit! We have T&E's wedding coming up next weekend and someone has nothing to wear. Done! We also had an early Thanksgiving dinner with friends hosted by M&M. Delicious! Interspersed throughout, we watched (and relaxed to) some new movies/shows. Here goes...

The Walking Dead
TV show on AMC
I hadn't actually heard anything about this until a few days ago when my brother mentioned it. Now you should know, both MrGrizz and I love all things Zombie, so this was a must see. We watched it OnDemand (+100pts for less commercials) and it was awesome. I had to keep reminding myself it was a TV show not a movie. There were some parts that were a little drawn out, but I think that had more to do with the fact it was the pilot episode and they needed to explain things. I think the show is on Sunday nights on AMC - I'll be watching them after the fact whenever I have time. As of now (again, only first episode watched), I am saying this is a definite recommendation if you enjoy zombie folklore (and neat special effects!).

Due Date
In Theaters
This is the new movie with Robert Downey Jr and Zach Galifianakis. I am a fan of both of these actors, so it was a no brainer to go see this in the theater. I would say that if you liked the movie "The Hangover" you would enjoy the sense the humor in this movie. Did I laugh? Yes. Were there some uncomfortable awkward parts? Yes. Did I like it? Yes. It made me laugh. What more can I really ask for in a comedy. In truth, I could have been just as happy waiting to rent it instead of paying all the money to see it in the theater.

Antichrist
On DVD (or Netflix in our case)
I had no idea what this movie was at all. MrGrizz has had it in his Netflix instant queue for awhile and we have just never gotten around to watching it. Well I wish it would have stayed that way. Its a lesser known film, so here is a brief synopsis: A couple lose their young son when he falls out the window. The mother's grief consigns her to hospital, but her therapist husband brings her home intent on treating her depression himself. To confront her fears they go to stay at their remote cabin in the woods, "Eden". The movie is told in four chapters with a prologue and epilogue - a little odd at first, but got the hang of it. First, the good. The two actors, Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg, did a superb job. Also, visually speaking, it was a gorgeous film to watch. It would keep cutting to these artsy shots of the woods, or the surroundings. A lot of neat slow motion effects with the foliage were depicted as well. The bad. I had a hard time following the plot at some points. I understood what was happening overall, but towards the end, not why. I had to look up online the ending and what it meant - still no clarity on that one. It was a really dark film. Not so much BOO-scary, but a freaked-out spooky scary. The ugly. It is extremely graphic. There are a lot of scenes of intimacy between the husband and wife. When I say you see things, oh you see them. This part actually didn't bother me at all. But if sex bothers you, or watching other people pretend to have it does, this film is not for you. Towards the end of the film, there are some very graphic mutilation scenes. Again, it fits with the story line so its, for lack of a better term, interesting for that reason. I did have to close my eyes for one part in particular (don't want to give it away in case you decide to see it). I watched MrGrizz's reaction and was glad I didn't see it! This is a hard movie to recommend or not. Did I enjoy it? Truth, I don't know. Did it make me think? Yes. Was it interesting in a creepy way? Yes. Am I still talking about it? Yes. If you have Netflix, I would watch the first 20 mins (nothing too bad happens in the beginning), and you will get a sense if you would be up for watching the rest of it.

Get Him to the Greek
On DVD
After watching Antichrist, MrGrizz and I had our heads spinning and needed something to bring us back to reality. We had seen this movies in the theater when it first opened and he had just gotten it on BluRay. To give an accurate review, I will admit I slept through this viewing. It was late, I had work the next morning, and I was still thinking about the other movie. I saw bits and pieces while in and out of dream land. When I saw it in the theaters I remember really liking it. Again, the same Hangover, Due Date and Forgetting Sarah Marshall kind of humor. My favorite part was the opening. HYSTERICAL! Russel Brand plays the same musician character from Forgetting Sarah Marshall (LOVE that movie!). It was entertaining, funny for most parts, and a little on the long side. There are a few hysterical, pee your pants scenes; followed by some plot moving, somewhat boring, ones. Overall, rent it. If its your kind of humor, you will not be disappointed.

Presents

I feel better!!! Unfortunately did not attempt the toast method, so cannot report on those results (next time maybe ill remember).

Last night MrGrizz and I had a date night (have I ever mentioned we are in a long distance relationship, LDR, so we only see each other weekends). We met in the middle and decided to do dinner and a movie since he'll be in the studio all weekend. Seeing him, and getting a nice big bear hug, definitely pulled me out of my funk. Although, I will admit we had a bit of an odd conversation at one point...

MrGrizz was raised Catholic (celebrates Christmas). I am Jewish (keep Kosher mostly, celebrate Hanukkah, never celebrated Christmas). We are both on budgets this year and decided to do a 40$ limit on presents. But is it 40$ for two presents- one for each Holiday? or 40$ on each? Very confusing. We decided that he would get me a Christmas present and I'd get him a Hanukkah present. Problem solved. Hanukkah is very early this year (starts December 1) and with November proving to be very busy (trip to DC, thanksgiving, T&E's wedding) I wanted to get my shopping done early. I got him his present (YAY! I think he'll really like it. And it was under 40$ barely). I also found something for his mum. And I was thinking what to get his sister and Dad. I told him what I got for his mum and he seemed upset. Side-note, I got her the three Stieg Larsson books that I had just finished. MrGrizz didn't like the idea of me getting his family gifts because then he would feel obligated to get my family gifts. I understand this from a monetary standpoint. But it upset me a little. I want to get his family Hanukkah gifts. I don't really care if he gets my family anything. I'm still unsure of what to do. I mean they wouldn't be extravagant gifts by any means, but I also don't want to upset them. I may hold off for a little while, maybe get them Christmas gifts. We'll see.

Feeling Sad? Make Toast!

Or so says some researchers at Cardiff University. Maybe I'll try this when I get home today. Have you ever had one of those days where you just are in a funk? Welcome to my day. In truth, I've been feeling like this all week. I just have some weeks were I feel, for lack of a better term, blah.

Whenever it happens I try and pinpoint from where it is stemming (just like I do for my anxiety also). This week the two are coupled: the blues & anxiety. This past weekend was MrGrizz birthday (a different post on the play we went to and the awesome surprise party I threw him!), and I did not get nearly enough sleep. Usually sleep deprivation like that triggers these feelings in me. Along with my, um, cycle being a little messed up (stupid hormones) this leads to me feeling BLAH. I do not like it!

So perhaps I will go home and make toast. When I first saw the title of the article I thought that was code for something. (Un)fortunately it was not.

Movie Reviews

Anyone who knows me knows I love movies! I really do. I don't know if its the stories, the visuals, the escape, all of the above; but there is nothing better to me than after a long stressful day (or week) of work cuddling up either in bed or in a theater and getting transported into a new time/place for a few hours.

I watch a good number of them a month. Netflix - greatest invention ever! So I thought every month or two doing a movie review post could be fun. From now on I'll take better notes of what I actually see, but for this post will have to do it by memory.

Red
In theaters
I really enjoyed it. It was a longer movie (almost 2 hours), but it did not seem drawn out at all. And I didn't get up to use the bathroom at all (a big deal for me, tiny tiny bladder). Along with the action, it was hysterical. I was laughing basically from start to finish. John Malkovich makes the movie. His character had me crying at one point I was laughing so hard. This movie is definitely a must see! Even though its an action move, I'd say renting it and seeing it on a regular TV would be just as good.

The Social Network
In theaters
I had been putting off seeing this movie. Yes I have a facebook account, but No I did not want to spend the money to see a movie about it. I was surprisingly pleased with the movie though. The actor who played Mark Zuckerberg, Jesse Eisenberg, did a superb job (side note, does anyone know if the real life person Mark has Asperger's syndrome?). The fact that I lived through a lot of the movie (I will clarify this statement in a second), made it even more interesting. Mark Zuckerberg is about my age and we were in collage the same time (not at the same school). I remember when my friends at Harvard and then Columbia would talk about this TheFacebook thing. When it finally came to my school - quite a while later - I remember everyone skipping classes to make an account. Recommend. But can definitely watch at home. Wait until Netflix.

The Human Centipede
On DVD
I want to preface this with I had absolutely NO desire to watch this movie what so ever. I had actually heard about it from my Dad, and after his mini description thought hell no! MrGrizz really wanted to see it and it was on instant watch on Netflix. It was late (I always fall asleep at late night movies in bed, always!), so I figured I'd probably be asleep shortly after the credits anyway, so why not. And I will admit, I was really curious to see what it actually looked like!! There were some definite GROSS parts. But mostly inferred grossness not outright showing you it (does that make sense). I was a little disappointed in what the human centipede actually looked like. If you are really interested, I'd suggest Google-ing it instead of wasting the time to watch the movie. In my opinion, this movie can be skipped.

Devil
In Theaters
I am usually disappointed with M Night Shyamalan movies, but I can say I was pleasantly surprised with this one. I mean, yes, of course some parts were predictable and it did have a creepiness factor to it. Its hard to talk about the movie without giving it away. When its on one of the movie channels or on Netflix instant queue, I'd say go for it.

The Expendables
In Theaters
I better have gotten brownie points for seeing this with MrGrizz. It is a total guy's action movie. Lots of violence. Not really any naked women. And lots and lots of killing. I wasn't bored while seeing it, and was mildly entertained. If you need to say I'm sorry to your (male) SO or want to make him really happy: Rent this.

The Other Guys
In Theaters
I will be completely honest, I had a full out panic attack while watching this movie. I vaguely remember the premise. It would be unfair to critique it all, because when I think of this movie all I remember is thinking I was dying the whole time. I did calm down a bit for the ending credits - really nicely done. Ha. When it comes out on DVD Ill try and watch it again.

Wow, I watch too many movies. Here are some other ones that came out recently on DVD recently that I've seen...
Iron Man 2: Go see it. Amazing. Just as great as I remember it from the theater.
A Nightmare on Elm Street: Neat graphics.Pretty good remake. Not too scary.
Letters to Juliet: Chick flick. Good if you want to turn your brain off for a little. Not believable storyline though.
Get Him to the Greek: I saw this in the theater so I don't remember specifics. I remember laughing a lot. And not hating it. Will put you in a good mood.
Predators: See description for The Expendables. Ha.

Ok maybe Ill do these a little more often so I don't have to write a novel each time! What movies have you seen recently that you: love, hate, fell asleep through?

Book Review

I finally finished reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. A friend lent me the book awhile ago (Karen, I am returning it this weekend!), and I had never gotten past the prologue. When I heard they were doing an American movie (they already have a Swedish version) I made a promise to myself that I would finally finish the book. I have a habit of starting books (for example: The Da Vinci Code) and once I find out they are making a movie for it, I stop. Horrible thing to admit I know.

Side note: They made one of my favorite books into a movie (Choke by Chuck Palahniuk) and I HATED it - the movie, that is. Awful, awful, awful. But I wonder if I had not read the book - or liked the book - would I have enjoyed the movie? There are also a few books that (I think) I would love if they made into a movie: Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahnuik, The Giver by Lois Lowry (my favorite childhood book), and World War Z by Max Brooks. What book would you like to see on the big screen?

Review of the book. I LOVED IT! I didn't start out loving it. The beginning has two story lines, that you know are going to intersect, but it takes awhile for it to happen. That just annoys me, as it was very confusing in the beginning. I also despise when movies do this. I end up asking a million questions and annoying everyone in the audience. I also want to point out, that I had no idea what the novel was about! I had no expectations going into it, except that almost everyone on my morning train commute was reading it (men and woman alike!). It turned out to be part mystery, part corporate thriller. They do deal with some adult themes: rape, murder, assault; but not in an overtly gory way.

I do have a confession to make. Once I realized what one of the main mysteries of the book was, I turned the book a few hundred pages and skimmed to find out the answer. Yes, I am one of those people. Ha.

In short, I definitely recommend the book! There are three (so far) in the series of these characters. I plan on reading the other two at some point - may move on to something else in the mean time.

I actually just put in an Amazon.com order for my next set of books to read, including: The Girl Who Played with Fire and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets' Nest by Stieg Larsson. These are the next two in the series. Also, Why Men Marry Bitches by Sherry Argov. A friend told me about this, and it sounds both informative and hysterical. So we shall see. I'll probably read this one next, then finish out The Girl series. What is on your reading list?

Girl Crush

I love Brigitte Bardot - and I especially love this photo of her. I must find a guitar this weekend. Whenever asked who would I have play me in a movie I answer with a brunette Brigitte.

And yes, I will acknowledge that she kind of does remind me of Pamela Anderson. And in related news, my other girl crushes: Zooey Deschanel and Natalie Portman. Is anyone else looking forward to seeing Black Swan? Who is your girl crush?

iPhone

Up until recently people were absolutely shocked that I didn't have an iPhones. It just doesn't fit my tech-nerd-engineer profile to NOT have an iPhone. My response was that I was afraid of being too connected - that I would like to keep my phone my phone and my computer my computer.

But then I got the iPhone 3GS (I know the 4 is out now, more on that later). I was tempted by the fruit. And from there my worst fears about the whole thing came true.

I've had my fun for a good six months but I'm ready to put in place a few rules... if only for myself.

The iPhone Rules:

• I will not use my iPhone as a distraction in order to avoid awkward social situations. Like being in an elevator full of strangers. Instead, I will face them head-on, like generations before us, with a small talk and a smile.
• I will not look at my iPhone while have a meal or conversation with someone. This is probably my biggest pet peeve in the whole world. It used to kill me when I was iPhone free but since I got mine I've noticed myself slipping into this unattractive habit. When I'm choosing to have a meal with someone, I want that person to feel like they are the most important person in the whole world. I want to give them my undivided attention and would like the same in return (by the way, I fail at this often). And on that note...
• I will not check my iPhone just because someone else is. This behavior is contagious - like a sneeze. One person checks their phone and it becomes a domino effect. Because nobody likes sitting around looking like they have nothing to do while their friends are checking out what everyone else in the world is doing.
• I will not check my email after 7pm. This extends to my computer as well. Work has been following me into the evenings and I don't like it. No matter how much that little email icon on my iPhone is haunting me - but I will not check it. Again, often fail at this. I will also probably get yelled at for this rule, because as a graduate student we are slaves! Its true, but that is an entirely different post.
• I will choose reading books or magazines over refreshing my Facebook every 3 seconds. FB has become an addiction. I HAVE to know what my 200 friends have to say, or what they are doing, or now where they are, all the time. The iPhone is an enabler.
• I will not choose playing Zombie Farm over getting it on. Again, not just a funny exaggeration. I'm putting an end to this torrid love affair with the zombies. In fact, I'm going to ban my iPhone (as sexy as it is) from hanging out in the bedroom altogether. Well at least when I am in a bedroom with MrGrizz, otherwise I'm allowed! Hm, he should probably follow this rule too, hint hint.

With all of that said, I love the maps, camera and the immediate and accessible resources the iPhone allows. But from here on out, I'm choosing real life over the one that fits in the palm of my hand.

Yes, I know the iPhone 4 has just come out. I am not going to upgrade for awhile. MrGrizz just put in the order for his 4 last night (mainly for the awesome camera it has), and all I could do was laugh and think of this comic from The Oatmeal:

Me and My Extravagant Birthday Wishes

My birthday is coming up next month. I am still not sure how exactly to feel about this. I mean twenty-five just sounds old! No really. Say it outloud: Twenty Five. Sounds so much more "adult" than twenty-four. It sounds like I should have a real job (graduate school does not count, uncheck), a house (nope), at least an apartment (nope again). I can honestly say I have only had a minor nervous breakdown for one birthday, when I turned 20. It was a huge mind-game, not being a teenager anymore.

In order to keep my mind off of the impending old age, ha, I will put together a birthday present wish list. Now it may be important to add, I am the worst person for which to buy gifts! I do not really need anything. And if I really want something, I get it myself. Oh, and I am INCREDIBLY picky. It is so bad. I mean I am so appreciative if I am gifted anything. I really do not expect it. And then I feel so guilty when I don't love it. It's bad.

Alas, here is my oh-so-extravagant dream present list:

• A trip to some tropical destination: Tahiti? St Barths? Aruba? Hawaii? Any place with clear water, great food, snorkeling, and relaxation. Perhaps, a cruise?

• Macy's Le Vian Gold Lemon Quartz ring. Does this remind anyone else of Dynasty?! So gaudy and over the top. Love. I'm a size 7-7.5 ring in case anyone was wondering.
  

• A fancy digital SLR camera. I love taking pictures. But am not so great at it. Maybe a nice camera would help!
• Speaking of photography. I have a few friends that are great photographers. I am, however, not the most photogenic. This is true. I love the way I look, not in pictures. But then viola, I end up looking horrible in the prints. Not so good. So, a real live photo-shoot would be a great present!! I would love to have some nice artsy (good) photos of me. Ha, vain much?!
• All the past seasons of Dexter on DVD. Hm, nevermind. Take this off my extravagant wish list, as this is not what I would consider that by any means. Plus, I think I am going to buy this for myself, or ask my Mum to get it for me for Hanukkah.
  
• A hiking/safari trip up Kilimanjaro.
  
• A Lori Earley print. I am especially drawn to "Caterpillar Dream" or "The Parting."
  

• Did I mention a vacation?!

Hmmm. That is all I can think of off the top of my head.

the F word

FUTURE.

It’s a scary word. A stressful word. It is a concept that I have been dealing with a lot the past few weeks. In one sense of the word in particular: relationships.

A few things you should know: I am a control freak. And I have horribly anxiety. This is exacerbated when I am not in control. Let us just some it up with: I don’t like not knowing what is going on. Drives me nuts. I think this is also why I have such problems with surprises. Also, two and half of my close friends are engaged. I already told you about VetChick. My friend’s E and T are getting married in November. And the ½ refers to TeachG who will be getting engaged by the end of the year*.

Needless to say, I am surrounded by weddings. And so it comes up, maybe a little too much, in conversation with MrGrizz. He is starting to get annoyed. Very annoyed. He has some friends who are married, some who are engaged, and some who are getting divorced. He doesn’t think too highly of marriage. Mainly (I think) because his mother keeps badgering him about when he is going to “settle down.”

This is really frustrating for me. I know his stances on it. Which can be easily summed up as: Most people rush in to these kinds of things or settle, because getting married and procreating are what we're "supposed" to do. Live your life and share it with someone if you want to, not because you "have" to.

I have always said that I want a marriage not a wedding. So I should be happy with just sharing my life with someone else.

Please excuse the fact that my thoughts are a little all over the place with this post. A) It’s a Monday B) I haven’t fully figured out how I feel about all of this and C) I don’t know, but it seemed like there should be a C.

On one hand, I so do not feel ready for marriage. With anyone. I am selfish and self-centered and like doing my own thing. But in the same sense, am I ever going to feel ready?

Yes, weddings and babies do keep coming up in conversation between MrGrizz and me. That is what my friends are going through, with me by their sides. Yes a few times we have talked about it in regards to ‘us.’ But I don’t feel like I’m pushing or nagging. I am just worried that he does.

I realized about halfway through this I really need to learn to gather my thoughts before I write blog posts!! I will rethink what it is I am actually trying to say, and then repost.

Mental note: Must get better at this blogging thing.

*She and her boyfriend are moving in together in September with the understanding there will be a formal engagement within a few months.

UPDATE (written 2 hrs after above)

Things not to do: Text your SO in the middle of the day saying you want to talk about something but not now.

Within 30 seconds of reading the text, you will get a phone call.

Oh goodness, the things I put MrGrizz through. So we just chatted about marriage, without ever saying the word mind you. He had his nervous uncomfortable laugh. I was mortified and weird on the phone. Basically we agreed to not talk about weddings/marriage/"settling down" in regards to us. It is OK to discuss our friends etc. though.

I knew he had been feeling uncomfortable about this for awhile. Being surrounded by weddings. I could tell it affected him. I don't know if he knew that, until I told him that is how he felt. Ha.

But when someone tells you not to think about elephants, what is the first thing you think about? ELEPHANTS!

Have I told you that he and I have only been together 2.5 months. Oh crap, now you all probably think I am a crazy person. But he was the first one to bring it up about 2 months ago when he asked me if I wanted to elope. I truly believe that when couples start talking about the future too early on, they doom their relationship. There is then too much pressure. It cannot be lived up to. In the same sense, I do think it is important that both people know from where the other is coming. Ugh, so complicated!!

I feel like a walking contradiction. I don't to rush anything, and want to let things naturally progress, but now that I am not supposed to think about it or talk about it, it seems to be the only thing on my mind.

Hurt

This past weekend was one of my best friend's birthdays. Surprisingly enough, it was two of my besties' parties (one Friday night and one Saturday). Saturday was a blast - went to a hibachi restaurant -- YUM!! Dinner reservations were late for me though (we didn't start eating until 8:30), so I was exhausted! But it was well worth it.

I wanted to start out on a positive note before I delve into the events of Friday night.

To set the stage. Good friend JB's actual birthday was Friday and he had his party that same night. Now JB is getting ready to move out of his current apartment (the roommates already have), so the place is pretty bare and very large. Perfect place for a "house party." I knew about half the people there. There was one girl there that I did not know, TanGirl. She was playing the dumb blond card speaking in that attention seeking whiny voice. While I did not particularly care for this person, it was not my place to judge. I simply did my best to ignore her. There were some other girls that were in attendance who were making their distaste for TanGirl quite obvious. It was rude. But honestly, I cannot blame them. Towards the end of the night, it had died down to about 10ish people. Everyone was sitting around the couches in the living room chatting. JB's little sister was in the back room talking on her cell phone and seemed a little upset so I went back to talk to her.

Upon my re-entrance to the living room (again to set the stage the 9-10 people, about half i know, were all sitting in a circle talking in a group), the following words were exchanged:

TanGirl: Why are you talking shit about me?

Me: excuse me?
TanGirl: said that the short fat chick was talking shit about me
Me: I'm sorry, what?
Other Guy's Name: No I meant the other one
TanGirl: Oh
At this point I walked back into the room to gather my thoughts. As I was walking down the hallway I heard TanGirl say, "well she is the chunkiest one here, what was I supposed to think." At this point I grabbed my bag, said goodbye to the few I knew and went home. I needed to remove myself from the situation. Now I am slightly OK with the fact that the people that I knew in the circle did not say anything. It wasn't their place. What I am hurt and horrified about, is that JB (who was hosting the party, one of my best friends, and friend to TanGirl and the one who invited all of us) did not say anything to her or stand up for me.

I don't know exactly what I was expecting him to do or say. But anything would have sufficed. I would never let my friends speak that way. Especially in front of a group of people. I know people with think what they want. Fine, think it. Say it behind my back. I really don't care. I am 25 years old and yes I am slightly overweight. You don't think I know that? But to call me out on that in front of a roomful of people. I think that's cowardly.

I am a little mad at myself for saying nothing and walking away. I felt like I ran away from the situation instead of diffusing it. Since Friday night I have thought of a million things to say to that girl. Really, a million. I am kind of glad that I just walked away though. At the time I did it out of respect for JB and his party. But now I like to think that I did it out of respect for myself.

Sorry this is such a depressing post. Just has been on my mind. And no I haven't heard from JB yet. I am debating whether or not I should write him an email explaining how hurt and disappointed I am. I may wait until I calm down just a bit more.

Space... The final frontier

To go along with my Space theme for the day...

My dad is an aerospace engineer and sent me these videos. They are really neat and if you have a chance check them out:

Hm, this first one I cannot seem to post the actual video. Its from USATODAY and shows the timeline progression of the building of the space station (my favorite of the three, but not the flashiest): Click Me

The "fly around" of the ISS:

Interior Vid of ISS:

Star Wars

Just because I thought this was funny...


[Source: Online PhD]

Sparkly Things, revisted

I have no idea why, but I have been thinking about my previous post a bit -- I promise, less future-y type posts and more relevant ones soon -- and have come to some conclusions. I wanted to document it here so in the future (ugh, there is that F word again) I can point someone to this post and say "surprise me."

This is the ring I want, with a few minor adjustments:

All photos taken by me and are of my chubby fingers :)

Said adjustments being: I want tapered baguettes on the sides instead of the split thing going on in the picture. Like in the previous post (the True Blood ring). And I'm not sure about the blue topaz. I want a harder stone that can keep up with me wearing it every day. And lighter. Either diamond (which would cost a million dollars - I'd much rather spend that kind of money on a house), white sapphire, morganite, something light and transparent, a little bit of color is o with me.

So you may think, "you have a picture of you wearing the ring, huh??" My mum finished her doctorate in education two years ago (walked at the 2009 commencement ceremony). As a present I got her the ring. Slightly selfishly, Ill admit. I saw the ring. Fell in love. Decided I needed to have it. But couldn't justify spending that amount of money on myself. I got it for her graduation present and borrow it whenever I like! Best of all worlds. I love that ring SOOOOO much. Really. I do. It's sad. The end.

PS Honestly, if I got that exact ring, Id be happy too. Just saying :)

Oh in case you are wondering. I got the blue topaz cushion/oval with the east/west setting at Macy's in April of 2009. They were having some sort of sale, and if I remember correctly, it was under $300 (originally I think it was ~$500).

Sparkly Things

This is a few weeks late. Oops. But...

VetChick got engaged!!! VetChick got engaged. Oh yes, VetChick got engaged! WooHoo!!!

Can you tell I am a bit excited. VetChick and soon to be MrVetChick have been together for 6 years. Yes, 6 years. She was completely shocked. As was I. Yes, I was there. Along with our closest friends. It was so them. And so special. And yes, I cried. Well the actual proposal wasn't in front of everyone; MrVetChick pulled her aside. I am so unbelievably happen for them.

It kind of got me thinking. About a few things. Well OK who am I kidding. It got me thinking about rings. I know, I know, an engagement should be about the marriage. NOT a wedding, and definitely NOT a piece of jewelry. I often joke that when the time comes I would like an engagement house.

However unfortunate, I don't think our society takes an engagement seriously unless there is a ring on the woman's finger. I have some friends who are in fact engaged and they have decided to either forgo the ring all together. Or want to wait until its financially feasible. In both cases, when the actual wedding planning started both family, friends and vendors alike did not take the couple seriously. This could turn into an entire post about how I think some people are more interested in a party (IE the wedding) than the marriage.

But back to the topic at hand. And yes, call me a hypocrite - because despite my feelings presented above and how I HATE that as soon as someone announces they are engaged the next question is always ' can I see the ring' - but I want to talk sparkly things. Or what normal people call engagement rings.

I was never the one to think about what my wedding or engagement would be like. And definitely not an engagement ring. I am so picky when it comes to jewelry as it is. I would be really scared to have my significant other pick out such an important piece. Something that I would wear forever and pass down to my children.

I also have awkwardly shaped hands. Little fat stumpy fingers. Some rings look just plain bizarre on my hand. What if there is a style ring I like, and explain it to a friend to help this supposed SO that is going to propose, but then it looks awful on my hand?! Am I supposed to try some on myself and then pass the word along? This whole ring debacle confuses me to no end.

There are some that I like to look at though!

The engagement ring that Vampire Bill gives Sookie in True Blood:

Source

I think there is something so magical about antique-looking rings. Does anyone have a non-diamond ring? Ive always liked the idea of a white sapphire. Maybe this is because I want a bigger stone (due to the fat fingers), and I wouldn't want to spend so much money on a diamond when it could go towards a down payment on a house.

Source

Who am I kidding: I am more than a little "out of the box." So why not have that reflected in the ring. East/West Oval setting anyone?

Source

... And I'm spent.