New Year, New Man

I guess I should start at the beginning. Although, that really doesn't present him in the best light...

Two years ago, I had just gotten out of a semi-long term relationship with BritBoy. We had been together for 8 months and I thought I was in love with him. In reality, looking back, it was more co-dependency than love. There were some fun times: he took me to Europe (he was British), we took a road trip to Canada, I celebrated his 21st birthday with him. Pause, yes he was quite a bit younger than I, should have known then! Needless to say, he ended up the relationship in order to get back together with his ex-girlfriend. To this day I choose to not think about the whole cheating aspect that was the end of our relationship (on his part not mine!).

Since I was single again, and had still never dated anyone in the same faith as me, my parents got me a subscription to JDate - an online dating service for Jewish singles. I had spoken with a few men. Gone out on a few dates. Nothing really noteworthy. I don't remember who sent the first email (it was a long time ago!) but I found myself chatting with a guy, let's name him Archie Law, who I thought had a very attractive photo. He had gone to school for Architecture and was currently in Law school (get the name now? Ha, I crack myself up sometimes). We decided to meet and watch a movie the night before NYE (so that would have been NYE 2009).

On my drive to his house that night I remember being really nervous. Was this the right thing to do? I had only seen one picture of him, what if I wasn't attracted to him? What if he was a serial killer? Yes, these are all things that I thought. I showed up, he opened the door, and I immediately felt relieved. He was adorable, just my type! I won't bore you with the details, but that turned out to be the longest first date in the history of the world. I stayed the night (no judgements please), and the next night (yes NYE), and for a third.

We continued to "date" - I use the term very loosely - for maybe a month. I was getting antsy and wanted to define it, etc etc. He had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship and was in no hurry to jump into another one. I had also suspected he was "dating" other woman, I had asked him a few times - more like nagged - he denied it. Long story short, I convinced myself that he was sleeping with other people. This from an open IM window he left on his laptop when he went to the bathroom. He has his own reasons that he wanted to stop contact with me. And thus, we just stopped speaking with each other. And for the next two years I would fondly refer to him as Asshole Architect.

Fast forward to this past December - two years after we met. I resigned on to JDate just to see who was around. Almost immediately a window popped up saying that Archie Law wanted to chat. I was thinking, Oh great what does this ass want, no really I was! We briefly caught up on life, etc. And that was that. The next weekend I had a Christmas party at my neighbors house. They were all asking about MrGrizz and when would I complete my degree, it was torture! I ended up imbibing a wee bit too much. Next thing I knew I texted AL - I had never deleted his number. We texted back and forth for almost an hour when my phone started ringing. He was calling me... but why?! We ended up chatting until 4 am that morning, I was very sober by the end! And decided to meet for lunch after his finals were over in a few days. We continued to text throughout those days, then it was finally Tuesday...

I drove up to his house - nervous and feeling like I shouldn't be making this mistake again - and as soon as I saw him I knew I was in trouble. That attraction was there instantly, while it felt like 2 years ago, I knew I was much older and wiser than my former self. We had a lovely lunch. Decided to relive our first date by watching a movie. The same movie has chance had it. And the same thing resulted. I did not go home that night.

This time I played it cool though! We were both on holiday break, and ended up seeing a lot of each other the next week. He came out with my family for our normal Christmas Eve dinner of Chinese food. Between Christmas and NY he was in NY and I was in DC visiting my grandmother. But we reconnected for NYE when I joined him for a wedding up in the Poconos. That was a disastrous weekend!!! Completely and 100% due to me. I may or may tell you all about it. After NYE, he was in CO for a week, I went back to work. Then I went to LA for work. It was an insane amount of traveling. We spoke occasionally while we were both away and would reconnect when we were both in the same area code.

Finally a few weeks ago the traveling was done. We now talk everyday. He calls. We text. We hang out. We do sleepovers. This is no longer dating, this is basically a relationship. I'm nervous. But excited. I'm petrified of getting hurt. I can honestly say that I know I could fall in love with him. Which frightens me to no end. I am trying to put the past in the past. I know there are no other girls now. I need to learn to trust him. To trust anyone.

I guess we will see where this goes... I have high hopes :)

Happy Groundhogs Day!

How great of a movie is Groundhogs Day. I could watch it over and over again. Hysterical! In the spirit of the large rodent holiday - I mean I am in Pennsylvania after all - I found this funny infographic recapping all the predictions!

Updates

Where to begin?...? Some updates...

Work: Status quo. Still a professional student/researcher/educator/slave. Ah, such is the life of a grad student. I have been accepted to a few conferences, which means some travelling this Spring! I'm both petrified (my public speaking skills rival Mia's at the beginning of Princess Diaries, no joke) and excited. I am still convinced that my boss hates me though.

Friends: E+T's wedding was amazing!! I am officially a bridesmaid for VetChick's upcoming Fall wedding. TeachG and her bf, A, moved in together, picked out a ring together, and chose a wedding date together (Fall 2012) but are not officially engaged. TeachS has a new/old man in her life - its her first love, back in her life. Notice a pattern? Yes, out of my 4 best friends, 3 of their wedding's will be within 2 years of each other. I promise not to allow this blog to turn into a bitch fest about being a bridesmaid.

Love?: I have a new man in my life. We are dating, I guess. I have made it a point not to ask the "where is this going" question, and try to go with the flow. The operative word in that sentence being try. I will post tomorrow on how we met, etc. Because wow is that a story!

Travel: I went to a conference in L.A. in the middle of January. It was a fast 4 day trip, and the talks were really boring, but Cali was gorgeous! It was my first visit to the western state, and while downtown LA wasn't for me, Long Beach was superb! I must make a non-work trip back there. I also just booked tickets for a long weekend trip to Colorado at the end of this month. I have family out in Denver and they have a house in the mountains, which means... skiing!!! I am beyond excited about this trip. The family that lives out there are (shh don't tell anyone) my favorite Aunt/Uncle and cousins. Unfortunately I rarely get to see them since they are so far away.

MrGrizz: I know I said I would not go into details. But consider this my paragraph to closure. After the breakup phone call I have not spoken to him since. Well that is not the complete truth. Two weeks to the day after the phone call, I checked my phone and saw that he had texted me (uhh excuse me, what?! cue heart attack).

When I read the words, my heart sank and I proceeded to vomit (sorry, is that too much info?). I'm paraphrasing, but in less than two sentences he told me that a mutual friend of ours had been killed. I dropped the phone. I immediately called him and wanted to know what on Earth he was talking about. Needless to say I was so caught off guard and upset that it didn't hit me how awkward it was to be talking him. I was so distraught I quickly got off the phone with him - not before fumbling and asking how he was doing, how was the family, etc. I don't deal well with death or surprises or any combination. And that was it. The last time I have spoken with him.

I would be lying if I said my eyes were not filling up with tears and I think about this last conversation. Mainly for our friend that was lost. And slightly for the loss of MrGrizz as a friend and confidant. I'm sorry if that makes me selfish, but I am being honest. Forever the two events are coupled in my mind: the breakup and my friend's death. Maybe it is a coping mechanism, to have two heartbreaks rolled into one, I just don't know.


I'll end on a less depressing note. I made a complete fool of myself the other day!! I had also thought that the saying was "for all intensive purposes." Yes, I realize this makes no sense at all, but I never thought about it. Yesterday I was in a big board meeting with professers, grad students, and some business people from industry and I use the aforementioned saying. More than once actually. Post meeting an aquiantence of mine who was also in attendance came over and whispered to me that its actually "for all intents and purposes." Uhh, what?! Epic fail. I felt like an idiot. At least I know for now on though, right? This is kind of like when I thought that the drink a rum & coke was called a Roman coke. Oops.

To new beginnings

I've been avoiding typing any new posts for a few reasons. Mainly, I don't want to delve into details of the latest breakup. I think, no, I know that I have found closure from the relationship; but bringing it back up in text form seems like I would reopen some wounds and maybe show me that I have no yet actually fully gotten over the hurt and pain he caused me.

A lot has changed in the last month, and while it may seem like out of the blue on this blog, a lot of said changes have been months in the making...

So I propose a fresh blogging start; With the new month starting tomorrow, a new beginning, and a new outlook. I will attempt to be better at blogging daily, if you promise to leave the past in the past and not judge me too much for how I have moved on.

To new beginnings...