Me and My Extravagant Birthday Wishes

My birthday is coming up next month. I am still not sure how exactly to feel about this. I mean twenty-five just sounds old! No really. Say it outloud: Twenty Five. Sounds so much more "adult" than twenty-four. It sounds like I should have a real job (graduate school does not count, uncheck), a house (nope), at least an apartment (nope again). I can honestly say I have only had a minor nervous breakdown for one birthday, when I turned 20. It was a huge mind-game, not being a teenager anymore.

In order to keep my mind off of the impending old age, ha, I will put together a birthday present wish list. Now it may be important to add, I am the worst person for which to buy gifts! I do not really need anything. And if I really want something, I get it myself. Oh, and I am INCREDIBLY picky. It is so bad. I mean I am so appreciative if I am gifted anything. I really do not expect it. And then I feel so guilty when I don't love it. It's bad.

Alas, here is my oh-so-extravagant dream present list:

• A trip to some tropical destination: Tahiti? St Barths? Aruba? Hawaii? Any place with clear water, great food, snorkeling, and relaxation. Perhaps, a cruise?

• Macy's Le Vian Gold Lemon Quartz ring. Does this remind anyone else of Dynasty?! So gaudy and over the top. Love. I'm a size 7-7.5 ring in case anyone was wondering.
  

• A fancy digital SLR camera. I love taking pictures. But am not so great at it. Maybe a nice camera would help!
• Speaking of photography. I have a few friends that are great photographers. I am, however, not the most photogenic. This is true. I love the way I look, not in pictures. But then viola, I end up looking horrible in the prints. Not so good. So, a real live photo-shoot would be a great present!! I would love to have some nice artsy (good) photos of me. Ha, vain much?!
• All the past seasons of Dexter on DVD. Hm, nevermind. Take this off my extravagant wish list, as this is not what I would consider that by any means. Plus, I think I am going to buy this for myself, or ask my Mum to get it for me for Hanukkah.
  
• A hiking/safari trip up Kilimanjaro.
  
• A Lori Earley print. I am especially drawn to "Caterpillar Dream" or "The Parting."
  

• Did I mention a vacation?!

Hmmm. That is all I can think of off the top of my head.

the F word

FUTURE.

It’s a scary word. A stressful word. It is a concept that I have been dealing with a lot the past few weeks. In one sense of the word in particular: relationships.

A few things you should know: I am a control freak. And I have horribly anxiety. This is exacerbated when I am not in control. Let us just some it up with: I don’t like not knowing what is going on. Drives me nuts. I think this is also why I have such problems with surprises. Also, two and half of my close friends are engaged. I already told you about VetChick. My friend’s E and T are getting married in November. And the ½ refers to TeachG who will be getting engaged by the end of the year*.

Needless to say, I am surrounded by weddings. And so it comes up, maybe a little too much, in conversation with MrGrizz. He is starting to get annoyed. Very annoyed. He has some friends who are married, some who are engaged, and some who are getting divorced. He doesn’t think too highly of marriage. Mainly (I think) because his mother keeps badgering him about when he is going to “settle down.”

This is really frustrating for me. I know his stances on it. Which can be easily summed up as: Most people rush in to these kinds of things or settle, because getting married and procreating are what we're "supposed" to do. Live your life and share it with someone if you want to, not because you "have" to.

I have always said that I want a marriage not a wedding. So I should be happy with just sharing my life with someone else.

Please excuse the fact that my thoughts are a little all over the place with this post. A) It’s a Monday B) I haven’t fully figured out how I feel about all of this and C) I don’t know, but it seemed like there should be a C.

On one hand, I so do not feel ready for marriage. With anyone. I am selfish and self-centered and like doing my own thing. But in the same sense, am I ever going to feel ready?

Yes, weddings and babies do keep coming up in conversation between MrGrizz and me. That is what my friends are going through, with me by their sides. Yes a few times we have talked about it in regards to ‘us.’ But I don’t feel like I’m pushing or nagging. I am just worried that he does.

I realized about halfway through this I really need to learn to gather my thoughts before I write blog posts!! I will rethink what it is I am actually trying to say, and then repost.

Mental note: Must get better at this blogging thing.

*She and her boyfriend are moving in together in September with the understanding there will be a formal engagement within a few months.

UPDATE (written 2 hrs after above)

Things not to do: Text your SO in the middle of the day saying you want to talk about something but not now.

Within 30 seconds of reading the text, you will get a phone call.

Oh goodness, the things I put MrGrizz through. So we just chatted about marriage, without ever saying the word mind you. He had his nervous uncomfortable laugh. I was mortified and weird on the phone. Basically we agreed to not talk about weddings/marriage/"settling down" in regards to us. It is OK to discuss our friends etc. though.

I knew he had been feeling uncomfortable about this for awhile. Being surrounded by weddings. I could tell it affected him. I don't know if he knew that, until I told him that is how he felt. Ha.

But when someone tells you not to think about elephants, what is the first thing you think about? ELEPHANTS!

Have I told you that he and I have only been together 2.5 months. Oh crap, now you all probably think I am a crazy person. But he was the first one to bring it up about 2 months ago when he asked me if I wanted to elope. I truly believe that when couples start talking about the future too early on, they doom their relationship. There is then too much pressure. It cannot be lived up to. In the same sense, I do think it is important that both people know from where the other is coming. Ugh, so complicated!!

I feel like a walking contradiction. I don't to rush anything, and want to let things naturally progress, but now that I am not supposed to think about it or talk about it, it seems to be the only thing on my mind.

Hurt

This past weekend was one of my best friend's birthdays. Surprisingly enough, it was two of my besties' parties (one Friday night and one Saturday). Saturday was a blast - went to a hibachi restaurant -- YUM!! Dinner reservations were late for me though (we didn't start eating until 8:30), so I was exhausted! But it was well worth it.

I wanted to start out on a positive note before I delve into the events of Friday night.

To set the stage. Good friend JB's actual birthday was Friday and he had his party that same night. Now JB is getting ready to move out of his current apartment (the roommates already have), so the place is pretty bare and very large. Perfect place for a "house party." I knew about half the people there. There was one girl there that I did not know, TanGirl. She was playing the dumb blond card speaking in that attention seeking whiny voice. While I did not particularly care for this person, it was not my place to judge. I simply did my best to ignore her. There were some other girls that were in attendance who were making their distaste for TanGirl quite obvious. It was rude. But honestly, I cannot blame them. Towards the end of the night, it had died down to about 10ish people. Everyone was sitting around the couches in the living room chatting. JB's little sister was in the back room talking on her cell phone and seemed a little upset so I went back to talk to her.

Upon my re-entrance to the living room (again to set the stage the 9-10 people, about half i know, were all sitting in a circle talking in a group), the following words were exchanged:

TanGirl: Why are you talking shit about me?

Me: excuse me?
TanGirl: said that the short fat chick was talking shit about me
Me: I'm sorry, what?
Other Guy's Name: No I meant the other one
TanGirl: Oh
At this point I walked back into the room to gather my thoughts. As I was walking down the hallway I heard TanGirl say, "well she is the chunkiest one here, what was I supposed to think." At this point I grabbed my bag, said goodbye to the few I knew and went home. I needed to remove myself from the situation. Now I am slightly OK with the fact that the people that I knew in the circle did not say anything. It wasn't their place. What I am hurt and horrified about, is that JB (who was hosting the party, one of my best friends, and friend to TanGirl and the one who invited all of us) did not say anything to her or stand up for me.

I don't know exactly what I was expecting him to do or say. But anything would have sufficed. I would never let my friends speak that way. Especially in front of a group of people. I know people with think what they want. Fine, think it. Say it behind my back. I really don't care. I am 25 years old and yes I am slightly overweight. You don't think I know that? But to call me out on that in front of a roomful of people. I think that's cowardly.

I am a little mad at myself for saying nothing and walking away. I felt like I ran away from the situation instead of diffusing it. Since Friday night I have thought of a million things to say to that girl. Really, a million. I am kind of glad that I just walked away though. At the time I did it out of respect for JB and his party. But now I like to think that I did it out of respect for myself.

Sorry this is such a depressing post. Just has been on my mind. And no I haven't heard from JB yet. I am debating whether or not I should write him an email explaining how hurt and disappointed I am. I may wait until I calm down just a bit more.

Space... The final frontier

To go along with my Space theme for the day...

My dad is an aerospace engineer and sent me these videos. They are really neat and if you have a chance check them out:

Hm, this first one I cannot seem to post the actual video. Its from USATODAY and shows the timeline progression of the building of the space station (my favorite of the three, but not the flashiest): Click Me

The "fly around" of the ISS:

Interior Vid of ISS:

Star Wars

Just because I thought this was funny...


[Source: Online PhD]

Sparkly Things, revisted

I have no idea why, but I have been thinking about my previous post a bit -- I promise, less future-y type posts and more relevant ones soon -- and have come to some conclusions. I wanted to document it here so in the future (ugh, there is that F word again) I can point someone to this post and say "surprise me."

This is the ring I want, with a few minor adjustments:

All photos taken by me and are of my chubby fingers :)

Said adjustments being: I want tapered baguettes on the sides instead of the split thing going on in the picture. Like in the previous post (the True Blood ring). And I'm not sure about the blue topaz. I want a harder stone that can keep up with me wearing it every day. And lighter. Either diamond (which would cost a million dollars - I'd much rather spend that kind of money on a house), white sapphire, morganite, something light and transparent, a little bit of color is o with me.

So you may think, "you have a picture of you wearing the ring, huh??" My mum finished her doctorate in education two years ago (walked at the 2009 commencement ceremony). As a present I got her the ring. Slightly selfishly, Ill admit. I saw the ring. Fell in love. Decided I needed to have it. But couldn't justify spending that amount of money on myself. I got it for her graduation present and borrow it whenever I like! Best of all worlds. I love that ring SOOOOO much. Really. I do. It's sad. The end.

PS Honestly, if I got that exact ring, Id be happy too. Just saying :)

Oh in case you are wondering. I got the blue topaz cushion/oval with the east/west setting at Macy's in April of 2009. They were having some sort of sale, and if I remember correctly, it was under $300 (originally I think it was ~$500).

Sparkly Things

This is a few weeks late. Oops. But...

VetChick got engaged!!! VetChick got engaged. Oh yes, VetChick got engaged! WooHoo!!!

Can you tell I am a bit excited. VetChick and soon to be MrVetChick have been together for 6 years. Yes, 6 years. She was completely shocked. As was I. Yes, I was there. Along with our closest friends. It was so them. And so special. And yes, I cried. Well the actual proposal wasn't in front of everyone; MrVetChick pulled her aside. I am so unbelievably happen for them.

It kind of got me thinking. About a few things. Well OK who am I kidding. It got me thinking about rings. I know, I know, an engagement should be about the marriage. NOT a wedding, and definitely NOT a piece of jewelry. I often joke that when the time comes I would like an engagement house.

However unfortunate, I don't think our society takes an engagement seriously unless there is a ring on the woman's finger. I have some friends who are in fact engaged and they have decided to either forgo the ring all together. Or want to wait until its financially feasible. In both cases, when the actual wedding planning started both family, friends and vendors alike did not take the couple seriously. This could turn into an entire post about how I think some people are more interested in a party (IE the wedding) than the marriage.

But back to the topic at hand. And yes, call me a hypocrite - because despite my feelings presented above and how I HATE that as soon as someone announces they are engaged the next question is always ' can I see the ring' - but I want to talk sparkly things. Or what normal people call engagement rings.

I was never the one to think about what my wedding or engagement would be like. And definitely not an engagement ring. I am so picky when it comes to jewelry as it is. I would be really scared to have my significant other pick out such an important piece. Something that I would wear forever and pass down to my children.

I also have awkwardly shaped hands. Little fat stumpy fingers. Some rings look just plain bizarre on my hand. What if there is a style ring I like, and explain it to a friend to help this supposed SO that is going to propose, but then it looks awful on my hand?! Am I supposed to try some on myself and then pass the word along? This whole ring debacle confuses me to no end.

There are some that I like to look at though!

The engagement ring that Vampire Bill gives Sookie in True Blood:

Source

I think there is something so magical about antique-looking rings. Does anyone have a non-diamond ring? Ive always liked the idea of a white sapphire. Maybe this is because I want a bigger stone (due to the fat fingers), and I wouldn't want to spend so much money on a diamond when it could go towards a down payment on a house.

Source

Who am I kidding: I am more than a little "out of the box." So why not have that reflected in the ring. East/West Oval setting anyone?

Source

... And I'm spent.

Weekend Brain Dump

Oh, where to begin...

Happy July 4th
(a few days late)

So, it was an interesting weekend to say the least. To start, I totally cracked. If you read my previous post about the birthday present that I got for MrGrizz - 4 months early - you will know that I get so freaking excited about presents that I cannot keep a secret. And I am a horrible liar, even just with lying by omission. On Monday, after the weekend that I put MrGrizz through (more to come on that in a second), I had JT bring over his present when they stopped by for pizza/movie afternoon.

We sent MrGrizz and T out to grab the pizza, so J and I could grab the guitar out of the car. I had no idea what to do with it. So I not so stealthily put it upstairs in the bedroom, on the bed. Fast forward to after we finished our scrumptious cheesy pizza, we were about to start "Hot Tub Time Machine" when I told MrGrizz that I needed to see him upstairs for a second. JT were trying to contain their giggles. As MrGrizz was coming up the stairs and saw that the bedroom door was shut, he had this look on his face and I just knew, he knew! So I opened the door, Ta-Da! He seemed pleased. Played with the guitar for a bit. Gave me a huge hug. Asked if I really couldn't have waited more than a week to give it to him. Then I asked... How did he know?!?

Apparently, J and I were not so stealth when I pulled her aside the night that he saw the pretty shiny new toy. And by an odd twist of fate, he actually drove past the music store (it happens once in a blue moon that he has to go out that way, unless visiting JT) and saw that is was in fact not there. I have to admit though, I was a little disappointed by his reaction. I mean I don't know what I was expecting. But I was a bit let down. I am kind of worried, he doesn't actually like the gift. The rest of the day yesterday I kept asking him if he was pleased. He said he was. I don't know, maybe i expected jumping jacks or screams of excitement. I blame J for this. When I originally told her about the idea and asked her opinion, she said that MrGrizz would FLIP OUT and probably propose after he saw how awesome I am. J, not a good thing to say. Ha.

Ok. Rewind. To the part of the weekend I am a bit embarrassed to explain...

I have no idea what was wrong with me. Last week I was having a really hard time sleeping. Usually NEVER a problem for me. When I don't sleep, I turn into a crank monster. Needless to say, I was not the happiest of camper's last week to begin with. Then midweek we got some very exciting news! PresD got into Havard Law School!!! Yay!!! On Friday, as I was driving to MrGrizz's house I was talking to PresD (on my hands free blue tooth) and suddenly started crying. I mean full on ugly cry. I was feeling really anxious about him moving to Boston; he is currently, and has been since he moved out of the house in Philadelphia. So while I didn't see him everyday, I always had the option. This pretty much set the stage for the rest of the weekend. It was a sobfest. At the drop of a hat, for no reason at all, I would start crying. Before you ask, yes it was "that time of the month." But I am normally a trooper and never get like this. I think it was a combination of lack of sleep, a stressful time at work, my hormones being completely out of whack, and just my generally propensity for craziness.

A big THANK YOU goes out to MrGrizz for putting up with my puffy eyed face for the weekend.

Supreme Court

I would like to preface this with the fact that I am an engineer NOT a lawyer or politician...

I leave the politicizing (yes, I make up words; and I like it) to my younger brother, PresD. I truly think my parents hit the jackpot when it comes to what interest's their children: PresD is currently in law school and the little sister, DrA, is eventually going to be a neurosurgeon (I say eventually because she is still in undergrad). But I digress.

... I have refrained from talking to PresD about the nomination of Supreme Court Judge Elena Kagan until I can determine my views first. My brother is very knowledgeable and has very distinct stances on legal issues. We do agree most of the time, but I find that after I have a conversation with him, I just take his views and arguments as my own becuase a) he makes it sound so good and b) he is much smarter than I am in regards to this and c) I'm sometimes lazy and dont want to research anything on my own. This post has nothing to do with my views, or hers, or anyone else's. It does have to do with a hilarious clip I saw on the news this morning.

She is being asked about the Christmas Day bomber, specifically where she was on that day. Orange juice came out of my nose I was laughing so hard when I heard her response, I kid you not. Hysterical.

Yes, in case you have not already figured out, I am indeed Jewish. And got the biggest kick of this response. I think at some point I will write a whole post about Judiasm and what it means to me and how I try and live everyday a little bit Jewish.

Also does anyone else thinks she looks a little like Rachel Dratch from SNL? I asked a coworker and he thinks she looks more like John Lovitz or Nathan Lane.